my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
