It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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