Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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