You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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