who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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