i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
wow bdsm is so cute
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
