Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
