No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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