Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
