now i know why i became what i already was.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
