I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
