You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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