Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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