just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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