her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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