explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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