Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
