with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
