$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
