I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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