as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
