I will die if light touches me.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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