she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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