is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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