dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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