He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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