I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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