I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
