so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
