hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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