I am in a vortex of obligation.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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