There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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