Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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