I think I died a long time ago.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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