I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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