i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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