is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
