i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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