on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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