I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
try to milk me bitch
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