You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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