We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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