i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
