My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
