so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We left the knife in your bed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
