I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
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I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
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Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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