i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
