please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
