My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
