You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
