Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we made out on top of his cat.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
