I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
