forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
