My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
