I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
