There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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