WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let's paint friendship bongs
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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