jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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