can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
