It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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