I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
True strength comes from lack of pants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
