I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
