I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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