If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
