shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
