after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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