rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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