Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
