I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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