we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
