dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
