i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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