the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
