i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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