i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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