stop calling my apartment porn island.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
