I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
4 words: hood of his car
she told me i tasted like america
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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