I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
