i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
