he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize