i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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