I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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