You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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