Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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