I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize