Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
