just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
