you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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